Many Updates

I haven't posted anything in a long time because I didn't know what to post. Bill and I have been going through a rough couple of weeks and I didn't know if we were together or not. I have made the decision that we are no longer together. I do love that man but he's got so many issues I can't deal with and his selfishness is getting really old. The last three weekends I haven't seen or talked to him at all and I'm so tired of it!!! I got invited to go bowling on Wednesday night with my cousins and several friends and Heather and Andy has someone for me to meet. I felt guilty at first because I didn't know what was going on with Bill but I had so much fun. His name is Clay and he's adorable. Honestly, he's more my type than Bill. We decided to go back to Heather and Andy's for after-hours after we got done bowling. Of course, the minute I got in my car Bill called. He missed me and wanted to see me over the weekend. I had just enough to drink that I fell for it. The rest of the night I felt so guilty for having fun with another man. Thursday Bill texted me all morning and was his normal self. We agreed to talk later that day and make plans......he never answered his phone again. I went shopping with Erika and Jill Friday morning and had a blast. That night we all went up to the Pub and had even more fun. Still.....no Bill. Friday night my grandpa had a heart attack. I didn't find out about it until Saturday morning and wanted to call Bill so bad. I cried all morning because I was worried about Grandpa and knew that Bill wouldn't answer his phone if I called so I spent the day with Erika instead. I finally tried to call him Saturday night at 6:15 and left a message that I had a really bad day and really needed to talk to him..... I still haven't heard back from him. Saturday and Sunday were both long horrible days waiting to hear news about Grandpa. I really could have used support from my "boyfriend". Grandpa ended up having two surgeries, one on each day and it scared me to death. (I did get to finally see Grandpa last night and he looks much better than I thought he would. He might get to come home today if he had a good night last night.) On the way to the hospital last night my brother and I were talking about Bill and Daren told me that I'm worth more than this and deserve to be treated better. Daren never says anything about my relationships so it really hit home. He went on an on about respect and how he doesn't like watching me in this situation. Now I have to decide if I want to tell Bill I'm done or just stop all communications. I'm afraid that if I talk to him I will get so mad I will say very mean and hateful things just to make myself feel better and I try so hard no to act that way. Part of me doesn't think he deserves to hear how I feel after weeks of ignoring me. If he truly cared about how I feel he would have called back Saturday. I don't think I want to get myself all worked up for nothing because there is no going back this time. I can't do it anymore!!!!!!

On a happier note, Heather called me last night and Clay is interested in me. Her sister in law gave him my phone number last night. All I know about him so far is he's my age, never been married, doesn't have any kids, is a farmer and has a great sense of humor. Who knows what will happen but we did have a blast and I could use that right now!!!